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  • Ben Balliro

Where Are We?!

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting annoyed by the amount of conflicting information I’m receiving all over the internet. You can smoke here, but not there. You can enjoy this kind of smoke, but not that kind of smoke because it’s just as harmful to children. You can’t smoke outside in public parks but you can smoke on rooftop bars and basement lounges. Cigars made before Feb 2007 are somehow different from cigars made after Feb 2007, therefore must undergo an expensive and rigorous and unholy amount of paperwork and costs to somehow prove that Vis a vis a Substantial Equivalence Report. President Trump wants to completely disconnect the USFDA from the cigar industry altogether and create a multi-trillion deficit and a brand new department to oversee the premium cigar industry’s admission papers into society.


For crying out loud can we, the American public and respective governing bodies please stop with the overbearing bureaucracy and mixed signals on our freedoms? It’s just a premium cigar that does not affect small children, is not sold to children, and is not responsible for the degradation of our “precious” youth. Nor is it responsible for economical and geographical outbreaks like Mt. Vesuvius and the Black Plague.


Out of all the socioeconomic factors that cause exponentially more damage to our economy and our health, premium cigars should be on page 12 after the article on “Are we wearing too much deodorant as a people”? I’m asking you, where are we? Why is enjoying an adult vice like drinking bourbon or playing poker with real money somehow morally superior vices compared to cigar smoking. Isn’t playing poker in front if your kids teaching him or her to read people and hustle them for money? Is enjoying a glass of liquor at home after work teaching your kid that in order to cope with the stresses of being an adult you have to resort to inebriation? Compared to addicted cigarette smokers premium cigars smokers are a tiny percentage. Even then it’s difficult to enjoy them because they are banned from the outside air. Somehow polluting our atmosphere with billions of pounds of carbon monoxide from the cars we drive is safer than enjoying a stick of rolled up leaves 2x a week.


Have we seriously just lost our damn minds? Do we really think that if we ban all cigar smoking from our planet that miraculously our national debt will go down and Africa will finally get that AIDs cure that they are so overdue? Our public parks are overcrowded with Cigar smoking zombies, walking aimlessly throughout our public streets capturing children and biting their necks turning them into little cigar smoking tykes and spreading our cigar smoking epidemic throughout the world. Of course this will all happen near the CDC in Atlanta GA, where the original zombie apocalypses took place.


I’m not trying to make light of public health, especially children's health. Our health is the only thing we have to keep us propagating to our next generation, but for the love of God cigar smoking never has, nor will it ever be, a societal problem. It’s a niche boutique handmade industry at best and is no way a threat to anyone other than your clothes that may smell bad for a few hours until you do laundry. Other than that, leave us alone. All we want is the right to enjoy a legal product, as an adult, like anything else we have the constitutional right to enjoy; such as ice cream, wine, or jewelry.



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